in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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