Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
