i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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