so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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