Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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