Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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