I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize