your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
