Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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