god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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