so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
