This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
