I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
