Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
