If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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