i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
