Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
