At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
FUCK WHALES
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
