Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
