Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize