I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
