somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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