What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
