just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
