I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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