If you die in college, do you die in real life?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize