it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
True strength comes from lack of pants
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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