I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
