yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
