Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
