I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
