with your own penis?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
