I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize