the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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