At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
