I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just found puke in my bra..
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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