If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
