My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
whose parrot is this?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
