How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
