good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
