also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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