I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
