WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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