I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
