Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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