If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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