i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize