I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
