spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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