Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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