I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
