doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
