I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
