He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Randomize
