successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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