Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
