i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
There r osticjed everywhere
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
