I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
