My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize