you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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