You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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