So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
