wrigley field is MILF paradise
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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