The maid of honor just puked.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
