ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
