So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
