He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
