OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Randomize
