Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
