I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize