i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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