whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize