I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
