eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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