laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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