great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
