Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
