my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
