Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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