if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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