My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
