The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Of course I have a pirate flag
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
