***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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