You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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