i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
The best revenge is premature balding
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
