Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
