Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
